How to Change Your Life: 8 Steps to Start Over and Build a Life You Want (2024)

Are you ready to change your life? Have you been yearning to start over? It is possible, but there’s a lot to consider.

Life comes in seasons. And life changes. Everyone goes through transitions.

For some, it’s big life milestones that trigger change — marriage or divorce, moving to a new city, committing to a partner, buying a home, starting a family, or becoming empty-nesters. It can be the loss of a loved one or friend. It can be a global crisis (like the pandemic) or a traumatic experience.

For others, change comes from other significant changes that we all experience, like our emotional health maturing or ending a relationship. It could be aging, retirement, or simply who you choose to invest your time in. It could be a new career, moving across the country (or world), or another life-changing event that catalyzes big change.

Change is inevitable. It often causes us to examine our values or re-evaluate our priorities. And sometimes, it leads us to this question: What should I do with my life? Should I start over in life? Where do I go from here?

I was just talking to a good friend about starting over in life. She recently called off her wedding and went through an emotional breakup. She’s questioned her career choices and her career path. And she’s currently going through a spiritual and healing journey to help care for her mental health and well-being.

But she says every few weeks: Should I just start my life over? What if I just move to Europe or travel? What should I be doing with my life? Is this really what I want for myself?

If you’re thinking about starting over in life, you’re not alone. It’s OK to not know where you’re going next. It’s OK if you don’t have a perfectly planned roadmap to your final destination.

We’ll talk about what it means to start over in life and the questions you should ask yourself. After all, we each get one life to live. We’re all on a journey to find the best version of ourselves — but we don’t have to do it alone.

How to change your life and start over

If you’re feeling stuck, that’s OK. Be gentle with yourself. Our data shows that 55% of people are languishing. That’s a majority of folks who are not mentally ill but not mentally well, either. This is a massive middle who are all experiencing one thing: the absence of mental health.

You might be ready to take the plunge and start over. But starting over in life doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything you’ve learned, gained, and experienced. In fact, quite the opposite. Your experiences have gotten you to where you are today. And today, you’re lucky enough to be wiser than you were even just a few months ago.

Use what you know best: yourself. Let’s talk through the seven steps to changing your life and starting over.

1. Start with reflection

Before you can make any changes, you have to understand where you’re starting from. Personally, I know from experience it can be difficult to sit with your thoughts. It’s easy to let your mind wander. Plus, as my coach tells me, our brains are really good at putting up defenses. To warm up, try listening to an inspiring podcast or do a deep breathing exercise to slow down and center yourself.

Make sure you carve out the time and space for reflection. Sit down and examine yourself and your life. What do you notice? You might consider doing some journaling to help capture your thoughts.

2. Examine your value system

This is a big one. It’s likely that your values have shifted over time. If you’re changing and evolving as a human and your responsibilities or circ*mstances have changed, your values often do, too.

It isn’t that you have a wholesale change in all of your values, but the relative importance often changes and some do get left behind in favor of different values that reflect your current age, stage, and circ*mstances. Your work might no longer match your values.

So if you’ve hit a crossroads in life, it’s important to take a step back to examine what’s important to you. What are your core values? What values come to life in your day-to-day? What values are important that are missing from your life? Do you want to change your values? What family values have an impact on you as a person?

You might even consider making a personal vision statement.

3. Revisit (and rewrite) your goals

Just because you have written a goal doesn’t mean you have to remain committed to it if it no longer serves the direction you want to go.

It’s natural that goals shift and change. In fact, you might not have clearly thought about the personal goals you’d like to set for yourself. Take a minute to revisit your goals.

They don’t have to be lofty goals, either. My husband and I have a monthly ritual. At the start of each month, we write down 3-5 SAGs, or small achievable goals, on a piece of paper.

If I think about some of my SAGs, they actually are building blocks for larger goals I’ve set for myself. For example, in the month of March, I set a goal to make salads for lunch at least three times a week. This could feed a larger goal of a healthier nutritional lifestyle (and reducing food waste). But by breaking it down into smaller pieces, it feels more achievable.

Think about ways you can do the same for your goals in life. What are the small building blocks that can help you reach your big goals? How have your goals changed over the years? Try to keep your goals measurable so you can reward yourself for your progress.

4. Work up the courage to commit to change

Committing to making a change is no easy feat. It takes courage, bravery, and self-awareness. It also takes a level of intentionality.

Once you know your values, your goals, and where you’re starting from, it’s time to map out your next move. In a lot of ways, this step is more about a mindset and perspective shift than anything. Rather than “starting over,” think of it as starting fresh. You get to shape your new life. Positive self-talk and encouragement can be good tools here.

Remember, you’re in charge of your life. That doesn’t mean that you can control everything — quite possibly many elements are outside of your locus of control.

But, you always have the ability to choose how you want to act and respond given the circ*mstances. You are choosing the best way forward for you. You can make a change if you want to, but it takes action, not just thought.

5. Make your next move

Let’s say you’re ready to start over in life. You’ve taken all the steps and are ready to use your growth mindset to make a move. You’ve decided how you’ll hone in on your life’s purpose or simply bring more joy to your daily life.

Now, it’s time to put it into action, but start small. Let’s go back to my friend. Let’s say that she’s ready to quit her job. Maybe she wants to shift industries or start dating again. Maybe she wants to move across the country since she can work remotely anyway. Or maybe she wants to travel.

Map out your move. It doesn’t have to be drastic. Even the smallest changes can start compounding into the bigger changes that’ll help you start over in life.

6. Get a coach to stay on track

Any amount of change can be incredibly challenging. Procrastination can be a huge blocker, and self-sabotage knows just when to kick in. If you plan on starting over and changing your life, you will need a support system.

Aside from friends, family members, and loved ones, it helps to have guidance from an objective outsider who can help you reflect on yourself. Someone to confide in, someone to help provide impartial advice, someone to help push your growth and challenge you.

With BetterUp, you can feel better equipped to tackle starting over in life. A coach will work with you one-on-one to help you reach your full potential, whatever that means for you.

And according to data, BetterUp works. Of the people who start out “stuck” (low well-being), 77% will significantly improve their well-being state in 3-4 months.

7. Build out your support network

Surrounding yourself with a community of supportive individuals means seeking out friends, family, or mentors who uplift and encourage you in your endeavors. These people offer constructive feedback, celebrate your successes, and provide a listening ear during challenges.

8. Keep checking in on yourself

Like any new path in life, it’s going to come with its up and downs. Progress isn’t linear. And if you’re at a point in your life where you’re looking to start over, you know that life isn’t a straight path to self-actualization.

Keep checking in on yourself and the various areas of your life that are shifting. If you fail, it’s OK. You can always get back up and try again. And when you win, make sure you’re celebrating those new skills or life changes you’re embracing. Practice self-care and self-compassion. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

You’re valuable and you’re human. You’re going to make mistakes along the way and learn new lessons. It’s about how you learn from your failures that can help shape your future.

6 signs it could be time to change your life

Feeling like it might be time for a change in your life? You’re not alone. Life has a way of nudging us towards transitions, whether we're ready or not. These six signs could indicate it's time to hit the reset button and embark on a new journey:

1. Restless reflection: If you find yourself frequently pondering your life's direction, questioning your choices, or feeling a sense of restlessness, it might be a sign that change is on the horizon.
2. Values in flux: As we grow and evolve, so do our values. If you sense a misalignment between your current lifestyle and your core values, it could signal the need for a recalibration.
3. Stagnant goals: Goals are meant to be dynamic, mirroring our ever-changing aspirations. If your goals feel stagnant or no longer resonate with your vision for the future, it might be time to reassess and rewrite them.
4. Courageous contemplation: Contemplating change takes courage. If you're mustering the bravery to confront the need for change, you're already on the path toward transformation.
5. Urging for action: Feeling a strong urge to take action, whether it's quitting a job, relocating, or pursuing a new passion, signifies readiness for change.
6. Seeking support: Recognizing the importance of a support system, whether it's friends, family, or professional guidance, indicates a willingness to navigate the journey of change with assistance.

Remember, change is a process, not an event. By recognizing these signs and taking deliberate steps towards transformation, you're paving the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future.

13 questions to ask when starting over in life

In pursuit of purpose, clarity, and passion in our lives, there are questions we need to ask ourselves. Here are 13 questions you can ask when starting over in life:

1. How would you describe your mental fitness? Is it harming or hurting your quality of life?
2. When you think about your overall well-being, what are you proud of? What do you want to change?
3. When’s the last time you were outside of your comfort zone?
4. When was the last time you felt proud of yourself and why?
5. What will happen if you continue to live your life as is? What would happen if you don’t make a change?
6. What would happen if you stayed in your current job?
7. What would happen if you chose to switch careers or quit your job?
8. What are your strengths? Are you using them in your day-to-day life?
9. What don’t you like about your life right now?
10. What’s within your locus of control?
11. What would you do if you only have one year left to live?
12. How would your life be different if you invested in yourself?
13. Are you a priority in your life? If not, why not?

How to start over with your values in mind

However you change your life, it should be rooted in your value system. If you’re not sure where to start, let’s talk through what this could mean for you.

Identifying your values

You know you want to change your life. This might be a new beginning and a fresh start for you. In your old life, you might not have been aware of what your value system was. Now that you’re in a place where you can rebuild your life, you need to identify your values.

First, it starts with letting go of what doesn’t serve you. My coach talks a lot about letting go of negative thoughts, values, and beliefs that don’t serve me. Embarking on a journey of reaching your full potential is really a lot of unlearning. You might’ve picked up bad habits along the way that you don’t know were toxic.

Next, reflect. At BetterUp, we use something called a Whole Person Assessment (WPA) as reflection points throughout our journey of self-improvement. The WPA can give you some insight into what you care about most when it comes to your values.

Finally, if you’re starting a new life, that often means new values. Try writing down the old habits that you don’t want to bring into your new life. Then, write out a list of the values that you’ve identified from your WPA. Finally, take a moment to reflect on new values. What’s missing? What do you want to add?

For example, perhaps you’ve lived your entire life working nonstop. Let’s say you’re a self-proclaimed workaholic that’s finally hit rock bottom. You’ve burned yourself out — and for the first time, you’re forced to think about change.

Perhaps quality family time is a value you’d like to add to your value system. You want to start to live life with family at the center of everything you do.

Embracing your values while starting over

Once you’ve identified your values, it’s time to embrace and enact them. You have to behave and be different. It might feel uncomfortable at first. After all, you’re unlearning while you’re learning —and that’s a pretzel to wrestle in and of itself.

For example, if you’re a workaholic, stepping away from your career can feel like the scariest thing in the world. But if you’re serious about investing in your family, enact that value. Maybe you start setting boundaries at work. Maybe you decide that you need a sabbatical or some other extended time away (and use some of that unlimited PTO). Or, maybe you want to go big and quit your job altogether.

If it scares you, you’re probably growing. Don’t lose sight of the values you’ve committed to when making a change.

Start to change your life

Start living. If you’re ready for a new start, there’s no better time than the present.

You can carve a path to a better life and start to make changes for the better. And with help from BetterUp, the new possibilities are endless. Start working with a coach to get personalized support and guidance. With virtual coaching, you can start to live with purpose, clarity, and passion.

Published February 21, 2024