Spirituality and Recovery ... plus a Riptide (2024)

Hey guys. So I had said this originally to, I mean, to discuss spirituality, But going back to one of my first videos I did where I bitched about how You're not keeping context and That's why you're relapsing so to speak. I decided to kind of come back and Explain what I was doing and how I got here, My techniques. And what have you? Because, you know, contrary to what I think, You know, People really don't want to go digging to find out how to make something look awesome. So This is an effort to try and go over the process of what I did. So First thing I did with it was I Actually paused this and let me retry, All right? We had to speed up the process. So I With my buddy Gauge, the guy that I Made the The Blood

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Angel Army for, he was hanging out with me and we were at Hobby Lobby And I looked at I was looking for like, Some bases for this miniature, Whatever. And I came across this spray paint on a whim because I had a gift card. I went ahead and bought it. Um, it was like hobby grade spray paint. Not like the kind you get. And Walmart and I really f*cking love the results that came out of it. Not gonna lie but I spray painted them all with the With them on the sprues still. And I spray painted parts that I knew for a fact. I wanted to keep white if there was some collateral damage, kind of whatever, because I'm gonna go back over it. So, here I am just kind of assembling it. And as I'm assembling it, I'm I'm adding uh, some details of stuff that I'm probably not going to see again, or if I do it's gonna be really, really f*cking hard to get to Um, Learn that mistake 2024. In addition to the motto of do, better be better.

Uh, is, You know, think plot this sh*t out. So I know I'm not using the right amount or right kind of glue, but I really don't care. Um, I've had good results with Gorilla Glue And posing and keeping these things because I am a bull and a China shop when it comes to Miniatures. So I'm just kind of gluing these together Right now and then When I finally Got it To where I could paint, I had this metallic black paint and I just started adding a little bit of layers here and there over it and parts that I thought would be. Um, You know, black in my mind. Um, So like the leg animatronic Parts, you know, I I look at these as a gun plus, So I started doing that. And After I got Pants legs Painted, I went over and started adding gold trim on the little orbs that they had. Um You can kind of see, I really like how they turned out super easy to use a paint pen for me So it's just coloring in the lines Color, color color. And So I started putting them together. I plotted out kind of how I wanted it to stand, what kind of Uh, guns that I wanted. And then I just started kind of gluing it together. Um adding the little trim here and there On the On the shield that I had on Um What turned into kind of a f*ck up actually turned out. All right. I started Dabbing it and adding a little bit of texture to it. And, But my paint Brush was wet. And so it just kind of did like a wash over it. And So That gave me the idea Of, You know, kind of like an energy Shield like a plasma energy shield, that's around these, These parts and so, that's kind of what I did there was, I had this blue paint pen and I just started Dabbing it, and then dabbing it again with a wet Paint brush, and it just kind of Blood it out. And it creates this really, really cool effect. Um The other thing that I was trying to do was: Was set the Oh what you might call it? I can't even think about it right now.

Um, I was trying to make, like, plasma bursts out of the hot glue gun, And I just got this like blob and I started stabbing it With like, a, a popsicle stick. And now that I'm talking about this, I definitely remember saying that process later And the video But um I just started dabbing it or stabbing it and it created this really cool effect and I was like What am I going to do with this? And so I just kind of And glue it to the shield. So it looked like it's absorbing a plasma burst which is f*cking awesome. How it looked. And then, from there, You know, it became very, very clear That I needed a base for it. And so I made a little bit of a base on it. I already had Like A base that I was going to use. I just now knew What I wanted it to look like. And so I took And I started working on it Texturing it adding a little bit more flock and what have you? I use an aerosol glue And I spray it over it After I paint it with Modge Podge. Um, Well, really, it's flour and, uh, water. It's not Modge Podge. I took A cup of flour and two cups of water and I put the water in a pot, brought the pot to a boil, put the flour in the pot and started it up, until it made this like sludge. And so, I dabbed it all over that. And smoothed it out and then I added those There's like little texturings to it And then um I sprayed it with the adhesive And um From there, I just started, you know. Um, what's that Cook? Where do you like to just drizzle it? You know, He's got this arm and like this L or kind of like a Striking tiger pose. I don't know and he's just drizzling salt On something. And that's essentially what I did with The flocking But that took too long and It's not as cool when you're doing it by yourself. So I promptly gave up on it. I had this little tray from The chocolates, the Lindor chocolates. And I thought they kind of looked like Conductors or Transformers. That's the word I'm looking for. They look like Transformers And so I spray painted that and I kind of cut that to size but I ended up ditching that I want to add that somewhere, but I have no idea where it's, like, on my to-do list but I just don't want to shoe hornet in. Um, I took a little bit more of my faux mod podge As well and I mixed in some green paint for some toxic sludge on there. You can see that on kind of the bunker And, You know, I don't know. It just it turned out pretty f*cking epic in my opinion, Which my opinion means like Jack sh*t. But Uh, I like it. So Eat a dick If you don't like it. Um Yeah It's really all I got uh, I then yeah, while it was still wet, I tried to mix in Some gray wash into it and kind of tone down the brightness. But That is kind of what I did and how I got there. Um, Just started kind of rolling around trying to texture things. I don't know. I really don't know how to describe my thought process because it just seemed so instinctual. Um, and with that, I'm going to let Myself Interview Myself, Not spirituality.

Oh my God.

All right, dudes and doodads, one board. Dude, coming at you from the internet. So I was putting together a Riptide, Um, it's one of the big boys for the towel While I was doing that. I was also Uh discussing with one of my big friends. Um, I actually made that blood angels diorama and army. He is a big theology person. Very big on, you know. God. Um Jesus and you know everything like that. So, um, I thought I'd get his input On Everything and see what we can get. Now, he really didn't want to talk to me. So Here we are. Not really, not really a good way to start there my guy. So I'm going to go over some basic things on it and we'll dive into this a little bit Heavier. So The number one quote that always sticks out to me Is religion, is for people who are afraid to go to hell, and spirituality is for people who have been to hell. Um, I can 100 attest to that. I have been to hell in my addiction. We have, I've gone through, you know, the ringer that absolute most. And Um I had to do a couple of victory laps as well on it. Um, let's see here. Uh, if I Emailed it to myself, there we go. So This really rain true? For me, I'm sure like most of you. Um we grew up, we saw religion, we saw the corruptness we saw, you know, the Catholic church Islam. You know, all these negative stereotypes based around this God and um, Oftentimes we reject it. Oftentimes When we pray to a God, We are actually just kind of like making a wish list that we probably should just give to Santa. You know, it was always just like, how come, Uh, this happens, or that happens. How can that, You know, how can a child get cancer? And you tell me there's a God. It's like, well, Okay. So I don't really want to go into too much on that, but I, I definitely want to hear Future, but still in the past one board, dudes, Uh, thoughts and feelings on that, Uh, one board, dude, do you care chiming in Yeah, I am super excited to talk about this because I feel like it's a subject that isn't really gone. Over that much to give you a little bit of some background on that. Yes, I grew up in the church. I grew up Catholic light or Episcopalian And um I was very involved in the church. Um, I would pray with the same conviction to make it through a yellow light. As Jesus Christ did when he was facing the crucifixion, You know, It was. And how quickly I was able to disprove that. There was a God because I didn't get what I wanted. That was A big, A big deterrent on it. And I also used all of those reasons behind it. You know, There's genocide in the name of God, You know, the extremist, the cults, The mega churches that tell you that if you don't give 50 000 a year, you're going to go to hell, you know, that f*cking a vampire that you see on Fox News in the mornings on Sunday With his, uh, gold digger wife. First of all I like that I can see it in his eyes Is just absolute evil. While Preaching the quote-unquote good word, You can't see me but I'm rolling my eyes and I'm doing a jerk off motion. So As I was starting to get sober, I was having a lot of these spiritual experiences. Um Quick quick little Broad Strokes overview on it. Um I was out meditating on a lake Um and I saw a gold figure Come out of the gold. It was like a silhouette. Almost Walk up to me, try and touch me before I bitched out and Got out of that state. I had What You can only be described as a teleporting homeless man, follow me around right before my court.

And uh, at, Um, He said something to me when I said, How are you? Because after like the fourth time seeing this guy, I said something to him and like I'm not talking Um, Similar place. Like It took me 10 minutes to get across town In a car and he was already there. You know, like that sh*t doesn't happen unless you're teleporting Or something. Anyway, He said stay quiet And I went into Court and I stayed quiet And it worked out for me. I've had several of those near-death spiritual experiences And Things that kind of come to mind. To me, Was This flow of energy From positive to negative, almost kind of like electricity. And this is not me to preach it or anything. By, As I'm going under these traumatic events, um, you know, getting beat up by an ex-girlfriend, Getting a divorce Winding up in the hospital for alcohol. Poisoning for the eighth time this month, You know I'm having these God moments And You know, God for me is a good, orderly Direction. It is making sense of the chaos. Uh and you see that in a lot of Mythology or a lot of mythological creation stories, You know, the Babylon the Egyptian, You know, Assyrians Marion All kind of like in the same region and same with the abrahamic religions. Um, it starts off Chaos And out of chaos Forms order And that's all it is, is making sense of things. Um And so I started going down this path with me and AA Um talking about spirituality. Um, let go and let God and I'm like, Whatever, you know, I need some burning bushes, But truthfully I was getting these burning bushes and I didn't know it And it it's not until you have enough time behind you that you can start to see That what you thought was going to be a blessing that turned into it actually would have been a curse right? Like case in point on some of those, if I had never gotten a divorce, I thought the divorce was the worst thing That could have ever happened to me ever. And it turned out to be the biggest blessing in the long run. You know, I was in a house That while I liked, You know, I didn't really like it. I was stuck financially with my jobs. I, you know, I was married to the wrong person. You know, That relationship wasn't going to work in the long run. Like, I wanted to have a family and she wanted to adopt cats at work, So that's not that's not gonna work At the time. When I was going through that divorce, You would have thought. My world was ending And so I have found that most of my tragedies are actually blessings in Disguise, and I find that most of my blessings turn out to be curses In the long run. Um, As things progress, I started to see and become more aware And That's where I started to develop my spirituality and kind of my practices. Um Yeah. Talk about a rant there. Great. Great. So, you have mentioned your practices and the development of this. Can you kind of walk me through? Uh, what does that look like for you? Well, I mean, all right. Yeah. So, You know, they say, prayer and meditation are kind of like the Founding Cornerstones of it. Um, I don't have the ability to just sit still And Quiet, my thoughts. And Listen to him. Uh, what you're supposed to do, or what I have been doing is I let them pass through and I see it all the way through, And then I acknowledge it and I kind of move forward, you know, But when I am sitting still, I get caught on these Loops Like I can't think through these mental blocks. So for me, Meditation looks a lot like cardio or yoga. I do a lot of cardio in yoga to, you know, keep myself. Um Saying fit And healthy And while I am doing the cardio, I let my mind race through everything. I can see all those thoughts But I am so tired that I cannot interrupt The show So to speak. Um, show me the entirety. So I I don't have the ability to push down those deep-seated fears. That my mind is telling me because a lot of those times they're Their warnings. Their intuition, There are things like that that you probably should pay attention to. Now, as far as praying goes, I am a big believer of Prayer, being an action word. Meaning, you know, if I am praying for you to be healthy, I will make you food Healthy food. I won't let you go. Eat McDonald's. I'll make you something. Good decent. Um if you're stressed out about life and everything and I see that and I pray that you find Peace. You know, I'm helping you out with things And I'm doing something to better your situation And that's a prayer to me. I don't pray waking up saying, let me get this promotion. Let me get this, let me have that, You know. Um, I wake up and Truthfully, I don't even pray in the morning. I quietly reflect on my thoughts and Kind of write out a list for the day of what I need to do For white And that's kind of where My prayer goes or that's prayer for me is I wake up. I list out everything I need to do and then I go and I do it and as I'm out doing it, if I see an opportunity to help somebody that I care about and pray for them, Then I go ahead and I do it. So that's a prayer for me. Excellent answer. Excellent answer. So Now when you talk about this stuff, do you like to put an entity down or anything like that? Like, Tell me a little bit more about The process and how you kind of came to believe in the Guiding Force Behind everything. Can, can we talk about that for a little bit and how you found it? Um, no, no. Uh, the only thing that I would like to add is I would also want to crowd Source other people's ideas and thoughts and practices that they do To maintain their sobriety or their mental Awareness on things. So um, if you guys would just, if you made it this far, go ahead and comment on your practices. What do you do, what's kind of going on? How do you find Spirituality? Is it even something that you're kind of considering? Yeah, tell me all about it. And with that, We're going to close.